I have a lot to get off of my chest tonight. This is going to be a little hectic but I feel this is a way to really do this.
First I am sick of feeling like I stand in peoples shadows. I am the younger brother, and I have lived my entire life feeling like I stand in the shadows of my brother and other people, feel like I am less intelligent, like I am less thought of, (not loved by any means, but I feel like others are held in higher regard than me because of my personality). It makes me so mad that I have always lived in this shadow, and it drives me to want to be more successful than them, to show others that I am not the little brother or the shy person who lets others take the prize, I’m going to be someone great and do great things with my life because that is what God has in store for me.
Maybe that’s where a lot of my anger and frustration comes from. I was told that I was the one with the personality and not the brains by someone close to me. Whether it was in a joking manner or not it hurt pretty good because it makes me feel like crap. I love the person anyways but that sucks. I’m also sick of people treating me like I am in middle school when I am a 24 year old adult. I don’t need people telling me to stop being upset or to not do or say this because I am capable of doing this myself. It’s getting kind of old and I am not the little brother anymore.
Secondly I was jokingly told that I am probably one of the most feared people here at CCU. This sucks, joking or not. I’m not mad at anyone but myself. I realize how much of an idiot I am, and realize it’s probably best i haven’t ever got anything I have ever attempted here because i don’t deserve it because of how I treat others and how I handle things, whatever that might be (friendships, girls, music opportunities..anything).
I don’t know what the future holds for me but I hope that God changes my heart, transforms my life and helps me find peace that I am looking for in these situations because they really do put me in a crap mood. I am proud to be who I am, and although I might seem rough around the edges sometimes, or seem this or that I love Jesus with all my heart and I am a great guy with a lot to offer and a lot of love to show and give to others who want it and someone will notice that someday.
First I am sick of feeling like I stand in peoples shadows. I am the younger brother, and I have lived my entire life feeling like I stand in the shadows of my brother and other people, feel like I am less intelligent, like I am less thought of, (not loved by any means, but I feel like others are held in higher regard than me because of my personality). It makes me so mad that I have always lived in this shadow, and it drives me to want to be more successful than them, to show others that I am not the little brother or the shy person who lets others take the prize, I’m going to be someone great and do great things with my life because that is what God has in store for me.
Maybe that’s where a lot of my anger and frustration comes from. I was told that I was the one with the personality and not the brains by someone close to me. Whether it was in a joking manner or not it hurt pretty good because it makes me feel like crap. I love the person anyways but that sucks. I’m also sick of people treating me like I am in middle school when I am a 24 year old adult. I don’t need people telling me to stop being upset or to not do or say this because I am capable of doing this myself. It’s getting kind of old and I am not the little brother anymore.
Secondly I was jokingly told that I am probably one of the most feared people here at CCU. This sucks, joking or not. I’m not mad at anyone but myself. I realize how much of an idiot I am, and realize it’s probably best i haven’t ever got anything I have ever attempted here because i don’t deserve it because of how I treat others and how I handle things, whatever that might be (friendships, girls, music opportunities..anything).
I don’t know what the future holds for me but I hope that God changes my heart, transforms my life and helps me find peace that I am looking for in these situations because they really do put me in a crap mood. I am proud to be who I am, and although I might seem rough around the edges sometimes, or seem this or that I love Jesus with all my heart and I am a great guy with a lot to offer and a lot of love to show and give to others who want it and someone will notice that someday.
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