One

I want to try something new.

You with me so far?

Recently I have felt really angry with God. There have been some things that have just been bugging me to the "enth" degree. The "enth" degree...pretty serious huh? I was to a point where I was just questioning God like "What is your deal God"? "Why are you letting this happen to me, why do you allow this?" I felt like God was punishing me or something.

Do you ever feel like that? Do you ever just get so bent up about the way your life is and the things that happen that you sometimes miss out on the big picture?

You know in the Bible there's this guy whose name is Job. Job is a devout follower of God, he is described as being "blameless and upright". Now this doesn't mean that Job was sinless but it showed that he was faithful in the eyes of the Lord. Job is told as being blessed by the hands of God so that his flocks may spread throughout the land.

Job was blessed.

Job was favored in the eyes of God.

But as we read in Job we see that Jobs faithfulness would be tested. We see one day that his oxen and donkeys were taken, his sheep were killed, his camels were taken, and his sons and daughters were killed as well as his servants keeping eye over the flocks.

Did I mention that this was all in ONE DAY?

Job lost EVERYTHING.

I mean come on. That's not fair is it? Hasn't Job been faithful? What did Job do to deserve this. His entire family killed. His livestock stolen.

But Job was faithful and praised God.

Another day Job is afflicted with painful sores from head to toe. The Bible says that Job took a piece of broken pottery and scraped himself with it to ease his discomfort. Now I don't know about you but I cringe just thinking about that. Scraping flesh with a sharp object. Ick. I mean at this point I would be in a fit of rage. GOD WHAT DID I DO TO YOU!? Why are you making my life miserable? I mean I've already lost everything why don't you just let me be?

Job 2:9 says that Jobs wife questions him and asks "Are you still holding onto your integrity? Curse God and die!" Sounds like a great Idea huh? Just say forget you God. I am done!

Job could give in.

But Job is faithful.

Now I doubt that many of us have had painful sores from head to toe, or have had our livestock stolen, or had our entire families wiped out but we all have suffering, we all have bad things happen in our lives and our pain can be real sometimes can't it?

Lately I've been reading this book by Rob Bell called "Velvet Elvis", and in this book there is something that caught my attention probably more than anything else in the book. He makes this point where he states that God thrives on our suffering.

Wait. God? The creator God? The loving compassionate God thriving on our being miserable? What nerve!

But the more and more I read into it, I found myself agreeing.

Now I want you to hear me out before we jump to arguments. If we think about suffering we see that the worst events in our life somehow bring us closer to God. He loves it when we are at the lowest points in our lives because that's when we see the big picture.

We can't heal alone.

We need God to heal.

We have nowhere else to turn but to cry out to a loving and merciful God. To place our broken hearts and lives in the hands of the one who can put the pieces back together.

WE need to be faithful. Even in the midst of our pain.

I was having one of those nights the other night you know where you are just upset, I mean your so frustrated by events and stress in your life. It just so happened that a buddy of mine was online and messaged me and we got to talking about how the night was going. I explained my situation and frustration and we talked about things and he gave me this challenge: "When you wake up tomorrow morning, just say to yourself I have a God who loves me." Quite a challenge huh? I mean to say those words in light of the stuff I was going through. I wondered if i would feel any different by saying it.

Funny thing...I did.

I woke up that next morning and the first words out of my mouth were "I have a God who loves me." It wasn't easy but as the day progressed I began to feel a change on my heart. I told myself that for this one day I would be faithful no matter what. Things seemed easier.

I think it's funny how we always see the negative things in our lives and overlook all of the things that God has blessed us with. Overcoming our selfishness is the first step in our recovery. We have to realize the blessings that God has provided and stop concentrating on the negative things that happen in our lives.

Now believe me it takes time, it's not like it happens right away. I have had to be patient and be faithful that God would help me and he continues to do so every day.

So here is my challenge to you.

Be faithful to God and trust that he loves you and that he will take care of you. No matter what.

Take that anger, regret, those feelings of pain and rejection..and let the scars heal. Let God work in your life and let him give you a new outlook on your life.

Be faithful.

Trust me it's worth it.

"But be sure to fear the Lord and serve him faithfully with all your heart; consider what great things he has done for you." - 1 Samuel 12:24

Quick Update!

As I sit here procrastinating more and more on my Old Testament History project I decided to give a little update.
There are 3 weeks of school left (hallelujah!) and I am more stressed out then I have been all semester. I guess this is what I get for coming back to school but it'll be worth it.
Some more Ireland money came in today! 100 bucks, that is a blessing! I forgot to put the due date on my letters though so that's probably why I haven't gotten very many back. That is the highlight of my stress right now though is getting the funds for that. I am so excited to go though.
Ok well other than that just pray that these next few weeks go by as stress free as they can.
Later.

Overdue

OK so i have sucked at doing this. I'm just really not as into it i guess. Not like anyone reads this anyways so that makes it worse. It's thanksgiving break now and I am so happy! I love this place severely but I need a few away from everyone to gain back my sanity. I have been going through this phase, I don't like it either where I have been in the dumps. It sucks it's just people an life issues, and stress that is just piling up.

However I am excited to say that today I was notified that I was accepted for the missions team to Northern Ireland in the spring!

Here is my issue though. I have faith that my funds will be provided for but I am worried still. 1720 is a lot of money. I dunno this is probably the most stressful thing right now. If I could just get it paid for entirely the amount of weight lifted of of my shoulders would be monumental! Pray for this opportunity and for my direction in life that God gets me back on track.

Other than that yeah the only thing that gets to me anymore is people. I love this college but people are driving me up a wall. I just wish that people would make up their minds, be humble and stop holding things in I guess. I don't know why it bothers me but it just does and it's starting to get to me.

I have been praying that God points me in a direction in life and helps me to understand that the most important thing in life is something that is not of this earth. I have been blessed in more ways than I know but yet I complain about how things aren't fair. I think I have felt like God was testing me or letting things happen because of how my heart was and I have come to the realization that it's not his doing.

I began asking God to intervene in my life. I know that it can't be perfect but I asked that my heart be set on his course instead of my own. I think it's funny how selfish we as human beings can be. We ignore that there is a creator working in our daily lives and instead of turning to him for help we complain about how miserable we are and try to do things on our own to no prevail.

There is still a part of me that searches every single day, and some days I feel as if there is nothing else for me to do.

Matthew 21:21-22 says "I tell you the truth, if you have faith and do not doubt, not only can you do what was done to the fig tree, but also you can say to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and it will be done. ²²If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer."

I leave you with this quote....

"I have been driven many times upon my knees by the overwhelming conviction that I had nowhere else to go." - Abraham Lincoln

Fall Break!

Wow this semester has been flying by. Hocking didn't seem to go this fast. Maybe that's because I am actually enjoying myself here. Hmm. So I am excited for a recent opportunity to go on a missions trip to Northern Ireland for 2 weeks in March. I am still praying on it but I know that I will do it given it's such an amazing opportunity. I have never even been out of the country before so I am super excited, plus to go to such a beautiful country!

Anyways. I am managing pretty well with classes and whatnot. I think BBD (Basic Bible Doctrines) may be the toughest class I have so far. It's making me think outside the box and really look at the reality of God and how he works. It's fascinating. I am pulling some pretty good grades too which makes me feel so smart even though I know I'm not.

Living on campus is sweet too. I am making some awesome connections that make me feel blessed every single day. I really think that there is no experience like living on campus.

I just finished up fall break and well so far my computer has broken, I got a Mac which is sweet, but now I am in debt and wonder about how I am going to pay all my debt off plus if this Ireland trip is gonna happen. Other than that it has been ok.
I am still praying that Dad finds work too or we're gonna be hurting soon. Please continue to pray for us.
~B

Update!

So I'm about my 3rd or 4th week into school and things are going pretty good. Making friends seems to be getting easier and the shenanigans are starting already. I'm super exctied to announce that I have started writing some music with some exceptional bros and we'll be playing in our capus battle of the bands coming up here in the near future. We don't even really have a name yet though which is kind of a big deal so I'm thinking we should probably get on that. I'm trying to get some pictures up of campus and what not here probably by the next blog for those of you who may even read this (Mason?) but I do have my favorite one, which I get to see this amazing view every day here. It's even better at night too as you could imagine but really you need to be here for yourself to experience the real thing.

I have been feeling kind of sick which is scary anymore because of this whole swine flu pandemic. Apparently they were thinking of shutting down Xavier due to the huge out break (which Xavier is just right dwn the road a ways) which has everyone on high alert. I would hate for them to have to send us home for a while, I love it here too much. But miraculously have felt incredible the last 2 days, minus yesterday but that is due to the OSU USC game. I still am looking for some kind of work though so please pray that I can get an oppertunity.

I should be moving into a new room today since my other two roommates bailed on me before classes even started. It kind of sucks but I don't have the extra like $450 for a single. I think it's kind of lame but rules are rules.

Till then,

Brian

First Week!

Well today was just plain awesome. Classes were basically nothing and the food was slammin in my opinion. Being at a place like this is just the most amazing experience I have probably ever had. I honestly felt kind of out of the loop today for some reason though. I dunno it was a weird day and I did have quite alot of time to spend in my room. I don't really know what to expect from this place yet but I can't wait.
I have been making some friends that I know will turn out to be some of the best that I will probably ever have, and half of them are just in my backyard. The only thing that is getting to me is I have early week class work due throughout the semester..aka like the next month, which requires lots of reading and understanding which I don't really read and I am hoping that I can grasp the concept of this subject because it's not an easy one at all. This is already adding up to stress.
Here is what I love most though. I feel so alive here. More than I have ever felt in a really long time. I'm trying to be adventurous, spontaneous, and put myself out there on a line lie I never have before. I guess I'm still kind of shy even though I'm like 3-4 years older than most everyone down here (they don't know that..ha) and trying not to come off as annoying. I don't think I am I just want to be a good student and person that everyone loves being around. I guess I just need to leave it up to God, I mean he does seem to be pointing me in the right direction already.
Well I need to hit the books a bit before bed.
~B

Start Of A New Era at CCU...

So for any of you that didn't know I am now attending Cincinnati Christian University majoring in Business. I'm actually sitting in my earl week class right now..(I know I'm slacking) which is insanly long. OK so this whole week the class runs from 830-5 with about an hour for lunch and a few breaks here and there it's unreal and intense. I'm taking Ancient Greek and Roman History which honestly is really intresesting but I'm ancey (sp?). My classes are looking to be a lot of fun but there will be lots of work which who looks orward to anyways?
Life here on campus is amazing. I love having that feel of a small college where almost everyone knows everyone. I have been making some good friends already, many of them I have already met or we have common friends and all kinds of stuff. I am really looking forward to meeting more once classes start and I put into the mix of things.
The chapel services here are amazing. Probably the best one's I have ever seen anywhere. It's basically a full fledged rock show with mainstream praise music which is awesome. I'm going to try and keep blogging, lord knows I don't do it, and let you know how I'm doing every once in a while.
I better get back to paying attenton,
~B

Valentines Day and the Return of Staple

I am bored. No doubt as I stand here at work and wait to shut up shop. It's been a hectic last two days and today has seemed to die down quite a bit. It's a nice change of pace. About $6000 for this weekend alone is dang impressive. I just can't wait to get out of here and go home, even though I have to do house work it's less demanding in a sense, and I have more freedom. So Valentines day was yesterday and guess what, I worked 1-8. Had a meeting at 9 am so I didn't even go home till the end of the night. Ashley and I went out for a nice dinner at the Olive Garden, like 30% of america did as well. It was pretty amazing minus the waiting bit (We got skipped over a few times for some reason). We then went home and watched a movie for the remainder of the night. Lot's of fun!
So as posted Staple is returning and I am excited for the return show with Oh Sleeper. This may be one of the most amazing shows in the history of shows. Check it out if you get a chance. The new stuff is rather amazing too. Just a little fyi.
B

Final Stand

This world is set ablaze once more
And again I stand alone
Consequence will be dealt swiftly and just
This time I'm on my own
Nothing can turn back the hands of time
If so would there have been much change?
I see with every breath I take
Learn from it and go
Till the day we meet again this is my request
The worst brought out the best in you
So please, won't you be my guest
To this battle, bloody and brutal
Lead my lost soul through the night
Release me from my perfect prison
Pick up my sword and fight
Actions speak louder than words
But words hold no value here
Forgiveness has lost it's meaning
Somewhere within our fear
See the sinful hearts we share
Lets tear them down, to build them up
It's better to fight the fight with passion
Than to fight without a care
Stand by me and fight
We'll make our final stand

Make Your Move

No one can tell you what to do
No one standing in your way
It's time to choose what is right or what is easy.
Choose wisely for it is due today
The choice that will forever make you who you are.

Everyone watches in awe
Seeing what your next big mistake will be
The world tells you the things they want to hear.
But what really makes the difference is what will do in the moment of truth.
The time is now so make your move.

Sticks and stones can break your bones but this will surely hurt you
action without consequence is forbidden in these lands
The good don't die young but you are the exception
hopefully you will learn from this

Everyone watches in awe
Seeing what your next big mistake will be
The world tells you the things they want to hear.
But what really makes the difference is what will do in the moment of truth.
The time is now so make your move.

This task has been given to you
So what's it gonna be
Every oppertunity has been given time and time again
and time and time again I see
nothing ever comes nothing ever changes
this has gone far enough.

STORY OF YOUR LIFE

I wrote this a while back and am reposting it on this blog.

Tossing and turning he lays in his bed
Wondering what to make of the road up ahead
She said everything will be ok
Maybe we’ll work out some other day
I need you he said tears stream from his face
I need you now right here in this place
You have to understand just give me some time
Please believe me things will be just fine

He sits in his chair and picks up his glass
Drinks to the bottom to make his grief pass
His mind goes back to that very first day
Standing at the top of the stairs to scared to say hey
She was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen
His heart dropped into his chest what could this mean?
There was no denying the butterflies inside
This was love there was nothing to hide

Please understand it's not what it seems
I don't want to hurt you it's not what it means
Time is the factor, the key to it all
Just go to the phone and wait for my call

Tossing and turning she lays in her bed
Wondering if he really meant all that he said
She didn’t understand what did she do?
Not sure if they were really through
I’m sorry he said tears stream from his face
There will be another time, another place
I just need to go, I don’t have the time
Please believe me things will be just fine

She sits on the floor with the blade in her hand
The pain runs deep making it hard to stand
Her mind goes back to that very first day
It was a Friday night in the middle of May
He was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen
Her heart dropped into her chest what could this mean?
There was no denying the butterflies inside
This was love there was nothing to hide

Please understand it's not what it seems
I don't want to hurt you it's not what it means
Time is the factor, the key to it all
Just go to the phone and wait for my call

Looking back it’s hard to say
Was this the best, was this the way
Only time will let you know for sure
It’s the one true story of your lives

Please understand it's not what it seems
I don't want to hurt you it's not what it means
Time is the factor, the key to it all
Just go to the phone and wait for my call

Trying it out..

I had a blog on a different site but I figured I'd do it through this one since this seems to be the most popular. My plan is to blog here as much as I can about music, lyrics, life, love, fears..anything that I go through in my day to day life. Hope anyone who reads this is as excited as I am about this journey.